You could do a lot worse, you know
by YouSaid-Always
Summary: Katniss needs to come to terms with what Haymitch said about living happily ever after, and Peeta is there to comfort her - even though he's the last person on earth she needs to see right now. Will he pull her round to see the bright side, or is she simply going to push him further away?


**Review if you like, Review if you hate. Review if you think im a really bad writer and should get another hobby. Review in general! **

**Oh, and i dont own THG, though if i could, i would...and i would make Peeta real too..if i could. But i can't. So i'll just have to deal with being alone with my cat and in an imaginary realtionship with a fictional character. Boo.**

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"You'll never, ever be able to do anything but live happily ever after with that boy."

The words spoken by Haymitch repeated themselves over and over in my mind.

My head was swirling from this revelation. I hadn't thought further than the victory tour, and i had never wanted to think about married life or what it entails.

Suddenly i was terrified. Did i want this? Could i want this?

No.

Of course not.

When have i ever wanted this? A husband? Kids?

Oh god. Kids. Would Snow force us to have kids? Surely they would be in the Games.

I cant. I cant, i cant, i cant.

Over my mental hyperventilation i heard Haymitch's parting words.

"You could do a lot worse, you know."

I nod and follow him silently to the train. I head straight for my room and crawl into bed, letting reality sink in.

I know Peeta would be good to me, but in time he would surely resent me. Not being able to love him like someone else, not being able to give him my complete heart because i cant. What about Gale?

Ive never thought of him romantically, but one day could i? And what would happen then? I feel my pillow getting damp and sit up, my hand wiping my cheek.

I look at myself through the mirror opposite my bed and push back a stray stand of hair.

A knock at the door startles me and i pull the covers over my head.

"Go away!" i moan, knowing i wasn't going to enjoy either one of Haymitch's slur or Effie's sing song voice.

The door opened quietly and someone creeped in and closed the door behind them.

"Katniss?" It was Peeta. Oh, great. "Katniss, are you okay? I could hear you from the corridor. Have you been crying?"

"You could hear?"

"Yes, whats wrong?"

"Oh." I had been crying loudly? That wasn't real my style. Nightmares is a whole other level, but during the day when im awake im the suffer in silence type.

"Are you going to let me see your face?"

"No."

"Katniss." He sighed. "See, f you were anyone else id give you a hug ithrough/i the quilt. But its you, and i need to see if you're glaring first to make sure its safe."

As a result to that i glared into the darkness.

"You're doing it now aren't you?" He chuckled.

"No." I grumbled, sounding like a stubborn child, or put more simply, Haymitch.

He actually laughed, which caused me to sigh and pull the quilt from my face a little bit so he could see the very top of my head.

"Now, do i have to talk to your hair, or can i see your face?"

"Hair." I mumbled and sat up, keeping the covers on my face.

"Oh okay." He laughed and sat on my bad opposite me. I felt a little tug on the quilt and it fell so my eyes were on show. "Atleast i can see your eyes. I can also see the daggeres your throwing at me with them, but still..."

I smiled at this, but quickly resumed scowling.

"Are you going to tell me whats the matter? Or am i going to have to ticle it out of you?"

I answered with another, more intense scowl.

"Tickling it is then.." He moved forwards, hands outstretched. In my moment of terror i dropped the blanket for enough time for Peeta to grab it and fling it out of the way.

"There she is!" He laughed. I pulled my knees around me and pushed my face into them, groaning as i went.

"Oh, okay, im sorry. Here." He passed me my covers back, but i let them fall around my knees and grabbed his hand instead. This was some kind of impulse that clearly did not get permission from my brain. It startled Peeta at my immediate contact but his eyes soon softened and he stroked the top of my hand.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

I shook my head. Again, the action not passing through my brain first. Surely i was meant to be strong, to have my independence for as long as i can. But here i was, reaching to the person i always reached for for support. Breaking what little independence i had.

"Want to talk about it?" This my instincts knew, i shook my head - no.

"Want to talk at all?" I shook my head again, but then came up with something.

"Tell me a story." I took my gaze from our hands to his eyes. His blue eyes.

"About?"

"Something happy." I recall his words from the arena. "Tell me about the happiest day you can remember."

He smiled, and i could tell he remembered the goat story.

"Im not sure you'd want that. A lot of my happiest days are with you. Or watching you. God, i sound like a stalker."

"You are." I say instantly, and feel myself grinning.

"Am i now?" He laughs..

"Tell me!" I smile.

"Oh, okay. Erm..Let see." HE looked at our hands and then i saw he smile widen. "Got it. Right. It was one of those one of times my brothers made me trade shifts with them during the week, and i was kind of upset because i had to miss school. And you know, school was the only time i really got to stare at you." He winks.

"Shut up." I mumble.

His eyes soften, the blue becoming shiny and completely irresistible. "I thought you wanted to hear the happiest day i remember?"

"Go on then!" i smile. I seem to be smiling a lot recently, for a girl who thinks her life has been ripped out from under her.

"Right well, i was working in the front and my mom and dad said they were leaving to have dinner and some important friends house or something. So i was left at the bakery by myself. It was a thursday so it was quiet."

"Where were your brothers?" I interject.

"Oh, Rye was with his soon to be wife and god knows where Hovis was. He liked to take off on us."

"Oh. Okay. Carry on."

"Right. So i was cleaning up the flour Rye had spilt before he had left when there was a knock at the back door."

"Oh god." I let my self fall backwards on to the bed, stray strands of my hair covering most of my face. I was glad of that, because of the blush creeping up on my face.

"Shhh," He scolded. "This is the best bit.

I groan but didn't resist when he laid beside me, his fingers still entwined with mine.

"Yes, so there was a knock at the back door.." i prompt.

"Right. And i went and answered it. And who was it? It was only the girl id been longing after since i was 5, and her little sister. So there she was, looking tousled and hot."

"Hot?" I ask, incredulous.

"I meant in the sense of heat, Katniss. But yes, that too."

"Oh." I blush.

"Well, i ask her if she has come to trade, which was really stupid since she had a dead squirrel strung over her shoulder. But still, i had to make conversation. And she just looks at me. Her little sister nudges her, and says 'Sorry, Katniss doesn't know how to talk to boys. Unless its Gale.' I laughed and asked if she wanted to come in, she shook her head asked if my dad was around. When i told her he wasn't she looked around really frantically and almost threw the squirrel at me. After that i insisted she had to come in to make it up for me. And for some reason she did. Her little sister was ecstatic at that, getting see what happens in the bakery. The girl waited for my dad to come back silently, and kept her eyes on the floor. But then Prim was tugging her round the bakery like it was the first time she had ever been this close to so many cookies. I asked the girl and her sister what her favourite flavour were, and whilst her sister went to look the girl glared at me. Then i had no idea why, but i think ih vae it figured now. Its the whole debt thing again, isn't it."

It wasn't really a question, but i nod anyway.

"Thought so. Anyway, Prim picked up a cookie that i had baked this morning and said it was the prettiest one and she didn't care what flavour, that one was her favourite. So i bagged it up and gave it to her, along with four more of the same sort. Well, the girl scowled and glared and pulled all sorts of faces," he teased. "But i loved every single one of them, because i had never ever got to spend so much time with you. I mean her. Well, you. The end."

I nod, and take it in. Then ask, "Did you get hit? For the cookies?"

He looks down, and then whispers "It was worth every bruise Katniss. You always were."

It hits me then. The boy with the bread, my boy with the bread. Now only could i do worse, but i can't think i could ever do any better. He would defend me, even if it meant his own demise. He would support me, care for me, be there and forever love me. And for once, i could see a possibilty of me being able to return that love. That now, with our fingers laced together, our eyes level i begin to notice that strange feeling in my chest and stomach. The one that i had in the cave. I felt the blood rise to my cheeks, and without missing a beat Peeta notices.

"What?" he smiles, taking our hand moving the stray hairs that cover my face and blush.

"I..." i begin, but stutter. My brain taking over. i shake my head. He searches my face for an answer. I try again, but say something different. "You would be worth it, too." I urge him to understand.

He watches me, then sighs. "Theres no camera's Katniss."

Wow. That hurt. And then my mouth runs away with itself. "I know. But, i would. Id take a beating for you, you would be worth it. Damn it, Peeta. The one time im trying to tell you that i love you and you have to ignore me. Im telling you that i care for you, i know i cant say what you want me to yet, and i dont know if i ever can, but Peeta...Honestly, in the arena i started to..i cant explain..you know...What are you grinning at?"

He is, he is grinning like an idiot at me.

"What?" I demand.

And then his lips are on me. I think over what i could've said, i mean, i have just confessed my feelings but i also said i couldn't love him the right way...im trying to tell you i love you. Oh.

Oh.

Well.

That explains it.


End file.
